Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
