We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
