she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
