Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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