I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
