Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
