If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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