i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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