do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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