She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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