her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
