Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Farmville is her only friend.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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