and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
