i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
