Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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