sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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