YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
