I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
