You just made me feel so damn special
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
