went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
