somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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