Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
