Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
