WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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