To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
