i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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