It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I could fuck to npr.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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