took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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