i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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