i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
