one might say we're banned from that church
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
