1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
