i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
