If i come over, it means nothing
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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