I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
