my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
