So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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