I want to stick my p in your. b.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
