I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
