have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
