yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
