I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
