During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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