yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
