I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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