worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
