No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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