Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
