I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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