I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Success! We fucked roommates!
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