So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
