Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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