You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
