soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
