haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
